What Is the Root Cause of People Pleasing? A Salt Lake City Anxiety Therapist Explains
It’s common for the women I work with in Salt Lake City to have grown up learning that being “easy,” kind, and emotionally responsible was the safest way to belong. In a culture that values charity, service, and being a “good example,” anxiety often gets channeled into keeping everyone else comfortable. Over time, this can turn into chronic people-pleasing, because your nervous system learned that staying agreeable meant staying safe. This is one of the most common patterns I see in women who come to anxiety therapy in Salt Lake City.
Have you ever found yourself constantly going above and beyond to please others, even at the expense of your own well-being? You might sruggle with people-pleasing. It's a common struggle many people face and it can leave you feeling anxious and overwhelmed. But have you ever wondered why we have this strong urge to please others? What lies beneath the surface, driving this behavior? Everyone has unique experiences and reasons for their people- pleasing. However, one of the areas I would like to focus on is how anxiety is one of the root causes, and how anxiety therapy can help people pleasing.
Anxiety and people-pleasing
Anxiety often lies at the core of people-pleasing tendencies. Anxiety’s main job is to alert us to potential dangers. However, in social situations, anxiety can make us choose the easiest path to avoid discomfort. If you are a people-pleaser, you may sacrifice your own needs and conform to what others want, all in an attempt to reduce the risk of rejection, criticism, or potential conflict. People-pleasing provides temporary relief from anxiety and a sense of safety, but it comes at a cost. You end up neglecting your own needs, suppressing who you truly are, and it impacts your self-esteem. Recognizing this connection between anxiety and people-pleasing is crucial for breaking free from this cycle.
People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw. It’s often an anxiety response that once helped you stay safe, connected, or accepted. Working with an anxiety therapist in Salt Lake City can help you understand why your nervous system learned this pattern and how to build boundaries without the constant fear of disappointing others.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no, or drained from always saying yes, this guide is for you. Inside, you’ll find scripts, prompts, and tools to help you protect your time and energy without losing your kindness or compassion.
Reasons for people-pleasing:
Everyone has their own reasons for people pleasing. These are a few examples of people-pleasing related to anxiety.
Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is a significant driver of people-pleasing. Many people-pleasers feel anxious at the thought of someone being upset with them. To avoid conflict, they go to great lengths to keep everyone happy, even overextending themselves. They put their own needs and wishes aside to keep the peace or to be accepted by others. This fear of rejection reinforces the belief that worth depends on pleasing others, making the cycle of anxiety and people-pleasing worse.
Sensitivity to Anxiety
Some people not only fear rejection but also are more sensitive to anxiety itself. The worry and discomfort that come with anxiety can make the cycle of people-pleasing even stronger. The fear of experiencing anxiety can push them to go above and beyond to avoid any uncomfortable feelings, which further perpetuates the pattern of people-pleasing.
Need for Validation
Everyone needs to feel seen and validated. For those that experience people-pleasing, the need for validation might be even strong. When efforts to please others don't result in the desired approval or recognition, it can be disheartening and exacerbate their anxiety. This disappointment pushes them to work even harder to gain validation.
Worry about the future
Worrying about the future is a common struggle for people-pleasers, causing considerable anxiety. Constantly anticipating situations where they might let someone down or fail to meet expectations can be overwhelming. This worry about the future keeps them trapped in a cycle of striving to please others, often going above and beyond what is reasonable or healthy.
Trauma and people-pleasing
I think of anxiety as a symptom of something greater. Past trauma or painful experiences can have a strong influence on anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies. These people-pleasing tendencies have also become ways to control anxiety in these situations. When someone has been through difficult or traumatic events, it can shape how they behave and think. These experiences can make them extra sensitive to potential harm, conflict, rejection, or being left alone. Their past painful experiences may have taught them that if they are compliant or do what others somehow makes it easier.
To cope with the impact of their past trauma, you may feel a strong urge to please others. You constantly strive to keep everyone happy, avoid arguments, and put others' needs ahead of their own. By doing so, they try to create a sense of safety and control in their environment.
Anxiety Therapy in Salt Lake City for People Pleasing
If you find yourself saying yes when you want to say no, feeling anxious about disappointing others, or constantly worrying about how you’re perceived, you’re not broken. These patterns often develop as ways to stay safe, avoid conflict, or prevent rejection. I get it, a lot women in Salt Lake City grew up learning that being kind, agreeable, and emotionally responsible for others was the way to be loved and accepted. Over time, this can turn into chronic anxiety, self-silencing, and exhaustion.
Anxiety therapy can help you understand why people-pleasing feels so necessary and why setting boundaries can feel so threatening, even when you know they’re healthy. In therapy, we work gently to uncover the emotional roots of your anxiety, the fears that get activated when you think about saying no, and the beliefs that tell you it’s not okay to have needs.
As an anxiety therapist in Salt Lake City, I help women who feel stuck in over-giving, over-explaining, and over-functioning learn how to feel safe being honest, imperfect, and human. You don’t have to choose between being kind and taking care of yourself. Anxiety counseling can help you build self-trust, reduce guilt, and learn how to set boundaries without feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
If people-pleasing is running your life and anxiety is always in the background, therapy can help you feel more grounded, confident, and emotionally free.
Online Therapy in Utah for Anxiety and People Pleasing
For many women who struggle with anxiety and people-pleasing, leaving the house, driving across the valley, and sitting in a waiting room can feel like just another thing to manage perfectly. That’s why online therapy in Utah can be such a powerful option. Being able to meet from your own home means you don’t have to hold it together, rush, or perform. You can show up as you are: tired, overwhelmed, tearful, unsure, and still receive the same quality of therapy. For women who spend their lives taking care of everyone else, online therapy removes the pressure of logistics and allows you to focus on what actually matters: understanding your anxiety, learning to set boundaries without guilt, and finally feeling emotionally supported instead of always being the supporter.
Not only do I work with women in Salt Lake City, but with women all across the state including: St. George, Cedar City, Heber City, Logan, Provo and beyond.
Start working with an anxiety therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah
Many women who struggle with people-pleasing are actually carrying a lot of anxiety underneath the surface. They over-function, over-give, and over-adapt because their nervous system is constantly scanning for disapproval, conflict, or rejection. Anxiety therapy can help you understand why your body learned this pattern, how to feel safer saying no, and how to stop tying your worth to keeping everyone else comfortable. If you’re looking for anxiety therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah, working with a therapist who understands people-pleasing, emotional responsibility, and perfectionism can help you start building boundaries without losing your kindness.
Ready to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and anxiety? Don't let anxiety hold you back any longer. This Utah Counseling Clinic specializes in helping people-pleasers. To begin anxiety treatment, follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for anxiety
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About the Author
Ashlee Hunt, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Maple Canyon Therapy, an online therapy practice serving women across Utah, including Salt Lake City and Utah County. She specializes in anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, body image, and the emotional patterns that develop when women grow up feeling responsible for others’ feelings.
Ashlee earned her Master’s degree in Social Work from Utah State University and holds two Bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Family Life & Human Development from Southern Utah University. She has worked in eating disorder and anxiety treatment across all levels of care since 2013 and uses a trauma-informed, attachment-focused, and compassion-based approach in her work.
Her clinical focus includes helping high-functioning, sensitive women untangle anxiety, overthinking, and the fear of disappointing others so they can build boundaries, self-trust, and a more peaceful relationship with themselves.