How to Overcome Perfectionism: 6 Practical Steps to Let Go of Perfect

“If it’s not perfect, then it’s not good enough” is a common thought for perfectionists. Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards. It leads to procrastination, burnout, anxiety, or feeling stuck when things don’t go exactly as planned. Let’s dive into what perfectionism is and why it can hold a tight grasp on those who struggle with it.

What Is Perfectionism & Why Is It So Hard to Overcome?

Many perfectionists are thoughtful, capable, and deeply caring people. Over time, they’ve learned to measure their worth by how well they perform or how flawlessly they show up. But here’s the truth: your value isn’t tied to perfection. With practice, patience, and a good dose of self-compassion, it’s absolutely possible to loosen perfectionism’s grip and to allow yourself to be more flexible and less rigid about being perfect. Overcoming perfectionism involves being able to recognize that your value is not tied to being perfect. 

For many of the women I see in therapy, perfectionism is tangled up with anxiety and constantly worrying about letting others down, getting it wrong, or not being “good enough.” Therapy for anxiety can be a powerful way to understand what’s underneath the pressure to be perfect. It creates a safe space to slow down, be kinder to yourself, and start shifting the beliefs that make you feel like a failure if you’re not perfect. 

How to Overcome Perfectionism by Understanding Its Root Causes

Before you can change perfectionistic patterns, it helps to understand where or how they began. Perfectionism doesn’t start from nowhere and can have deep roots. For many women, perfectionism started in childhood. Maybe love or praise was tied to achievement, or being “the responsible one” felt like the only option. It could be that you realized that being perfect helped you avoid negative attention from parents. For others, it became a way to feel safe and in control, especially in situations where criticism or unpredictability were present.

Perfectionism can be a coping skill that may help you feel protected from feelings of failure, shame, or judgment. Through therapy, you can begin to see where it comes from, you can start using more self-compassion instead of pressure to achieve. The goal of therapy is not to place blame on anyone, but to understand how this pattern and drive to be perfect began. 

Step 1 – Identify Your Perfectionism Triggers

The first step in loosening perfectionism’s grip is just noticing where it tends to show up in your life. Start paying attention to the moments when you feel that urge or pressure to get everything just right or to avoid making a mistake at all costs.

Does it show up at work when you're afraid of falling short or letting someone down? In parenting, when do you feel like you have to be endlessly patient, organized, and on top of everything? Maybe it sneaks in when you look in the mirror or compare yourself to others, or in your relationships when you’re trying to avoid conflict or be the “easy one.”

Try  asking yourself: “What would it say about me as a person if I didn’t do this perfectly?”

This exercise isn’t about judging yourself, but it’s about being curious.  The response might uncover deeper fears, like the fear of being seen as lazy, unlovable, or not enough. It’s ok to feel those things. These fears make sense when you consider your experiences.  They likely protected you at some point, even if they’re not helping you now. 

Naming your triggers with honesty and compassion is powerful. It helps you recognize that perfectionism isn’t who you but is a response to something deeper. When you see it clearly, you can start making choices that are rooted in kindness and align your actions more with your values. 

Step 2 – Reframe Mistakes to Start Overcoming Perfectionism

Perfectionism tells you that mistakes are the worst thing you can make. That they mean you’ve failed, fallen short, or disappointed someone. What if that isn’t true? What if mistakes are actually part of being human and a part of learning and growing as a person?

Reframing how you see mistakes is a powerful part of challenging perfectionism. Instead of seeing them as proof that you’re not good enough, you can begin to see them as information. A sign you tried something. Mistakes aren’t a reflection of who you are as a person or you’re worth.

Overcoming perfectionism and challenging these beliefs takes practice. When the voice of self-criticism starts chattering in your head, that “ I messed this up,” “Why can’t I get this right?”, try responding with self-compassion instead.  Telling yourself, “I’m still learning, and that’s ok.” 

These small moments of kindness toward yourself can slowly begin to untangle the fear and shame that perfectionism often brings. You don’t have to get it right all the time to be worthy or to be loved.  You’re allowed to be imperfect. 

Step 3 – Practice “Good Enough” Thinking Every Day

One of the best ways to quiet perfectionism is by choosing to accept when things are good enough. This is not about lowering your standards, but it’s about letting go of the idea that everything has to be flawless to be valuable. Sometimes, good enough means sending the email without reading it seven times. Sometimes, it looks like letting the clean laundry stay in the basket for a couple of days or finishing a project without endlessly tweaking every detail.

Perfectionism often shows up when we're trying to feel in control or avoid criticism. The truth is, most of the time, no one else is holding us to the impossible standards we set for ourselves. If they are, that’s another story about setting boundaries. Done is better than perfect, not because you’re lazy or unmotivated, but because your time, energy, and mental health matter more than constant self-correction.

The next time that inner critic shows up, try asking: What would good enough look like right now? Give yourself permission to stop there. 

Step 4 – Set Flexible Goals (Not Unrealistic Ones)

Perfectionism often thrives in all-or-nothing thinking. It can trick you into believing that if you don’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. One way to push back against this thinking is to set flexible, realistic goals that allow you to be human.

Flexible goals allow you to be consistent without expecting yourself to be at 100% every single day. They help you make progress without burning out.

Here are a few ways to practice this:

• Build in buffer time. Instead of cramming your day full, leave extra time between tasks. That way, when things take longer than expected (because life happens), you’re not spiraling.

• Set realistic “minimums.” Instead of aiming to clean for an hour, tell yourself 15 minutes counts. Or instead of planning a full meal from scratch, remind yourself that something simple and nourishing is more than enough.

• Give yourself permission to pivot. Plans can change, and that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you're paying attention to what you need and honoring it. Breaks aren’t a sign of laziness but are an important investment in your well-being and ability to do what you enjoy doing longer.

Step 5 – Challenge All-or-Nothing Thinking Patterns

All-or-nothing thinking is one of perfectionism’s favorite tools. It might say, “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother at all?” or “I’ve already messed up, so I may as well give up.” This kind of thinking can feel familiar, but it’s not helpful, and it definitely isn’t kind.

The truth is, most of life happens in the gray area between all and nothing. Progress, healing, and change aren’t usually neat or linear. They’re messy, imperfect, and made up of small, steady steps.

When you notice those all-or-nothing thoughts showing up, try gently challenging them with more balanced reminders.

Step 6 – Talk to a Therapist About How to Overcome Perfectionism

You don’t have to figure this out alone. If perfectionism has been your default setting for a long time, it can feel overwhelming to try and untangle it on your own. That’s where therapy can help.

In therapy, we can explore the deeper beliefs that drive your perfectionism, the fear of failure, the need for control, or the belief that your worth is tied to your performance. These patterns often started as ways to protect yourself or earn love, but with the right support, they can be understood and changed.

Together, we’ll work on creating new, more helpful ways of thinking and showing up in your life. You’ll learn how to set boundaries with your inner critic, challenge all-or-nothing thinking, and practice self-compassion in real and practical ways.

Healing from perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about freeing yourself from the pressure to be everything, all the time. You don’t have to do it alone, and counseling can help. 

Maple Canyon Therapy is an online counseling practice in Utah that specializes in helping women overcome perfectionism, anxiety, and shame. Whether you're in Salt Lake City, Provo, St. George, Logan, Cedar City, Heber, or anywhere else in Utah, online therapy services are here for you.

Final Thoughts: Overcoming Perfectionism Is a Practice, Not an Achievement

Healing from perfectionism isn’t about doing it perfectly but about practicing something new, one step at a time. It's about progress, not perfection. This kind of progress takes patience and kindness

The patterns that fuel perfectionism didn’t appear overnight, and they won’t disappear overnight either. Every time you choose kindness over criticism or flexibility over rigidity, you're practicing something different. You're showing yourself that it's safe to be human.

Here’s the truth we come back to again and again: You are already worthy. Not because of what you achieve, how productive you are, or how perfectly you perform. You are worthy simply because you exist.

How to start therapy for perfectionism in Utah

If perfectionism has been running the show for a while, you don’t have to keep carrying it on your own. Therapy for perfectionism can be a supportive space to get curious about the beliefs driving it and begin practicing something new. This Utah Counseling Practice has a therapist specializing in treating women with perfectionism. To begin counseling, follow the steps below: 

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Meet with an anxiety therapist

3. Leave behind perfectionism forever 

About the Author 

Ashlee Hunt, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Maple Canyon Therapy, an online counseling practice based in Utah that first originated in Spanish Fork, Utah. She specializes in helping women navigate perfectionism, anxiety, eating disorders, and body image concerns using a compassionate, evidence-based approach. Ashlee holds bachelor’s degrees in psychology and family life and human development, as well as a master’s in social work. Ashlee has also been an adjunct professor at Utah State University, teaching in the social work department. 

The Complete Guide to Overcoming Perfectionism

As an anxiety therapist, I know firsthand how perfectionism and anxiety can be closely linked, creating a sense of constant pressure to achieve unrealistic standards. If you're reading this, you might be struggling with perfectionism and looking for ways to cope. You might feel like you're always falling short or you're worried about what might happen if you make a mistake. That's ok, and I want you to know that anxiety therapy can help. In this guide, we will explore what perfectionism is, why it's often connected with anxiety, and how you can learn to manage it. Remember, overcoming perfectionism is a journey, and while it may be challenging, it is certainly possible. 

Can you overcome perfectionism?

Absolutely, you can overcome perfectionism. I understand that it can be challenging, especially if you're always aiming to get things just right. But remember, nobody is perfect. That's part of being human. One of the first steps to overcoming perfectionism is realizing that it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and grow. It's not about never failing. Another important thing is to start setting realistic goals. It's okay if you can't accomplish everything at the highest level all the time. Focus more on progress rather than flawlessness. Try not to compare yourself with others. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You don’t have to be good at everything. Overcoming perfectionism can take time and it's okay to seek help. You might find it useful to talk to an anxiety therapist, who can provide you with ideas and tools to manage your perfectionism.

Perfectionism and anxiety are often linked. When we talk about perfectionism, it refers to setting really high goals for oneself and feeling a lot of pressure to reach them. This endless chase for perfection can lead to increased anxiety. Anxiety therapy can be a helpful tool in managing perfectionism.

What does it mean to be a perfectionist?

If you're a perfectionist, you might often worry about making mistakes or fear being criticized. You might like being in control a lot. As an anxiety therapist, I see that this type of thinking can lead to a constant feeling of worry and discomfort. The fear of not meeting your own standards can be scary and make you feel anxious, stressed, and sometimes, stuck because of the fear of failing.

Being a perfectionist can also make you criticize yourself a lot. If you always hold yourself to incredibly high standards, you might always find problems in what you do or how capable you are. This can make you feel a lot of anxiety because you feel like you never do well enough. This isn't good for your mental health. It's key to remember that perfectionism can look different for everyone. Some people might want to be perfect in their jobs or school, while others might focus on how they look, their friendships, or other parts of their life. No matter what, the underlying worry and pressure to be perfect are the same.

Is perfectionism linked to anxiety?

Sometimes, people use perfectionism as a way to manage their anxiety. Even though it might not seem to make sense, some people think that if they strive for perfection, they can feel more in control of their anxiety and reduce the chance of anything bad happening. Here are some ways people might use perfectionism to cope:

Control

People who are perfectionists might think that if they can control everything in their life, they can reduce the things that make them anxious. They might try to control their surroundings, their relationships, or even their own thoughts to feel more secure.

Avoiding Failure or Criticism

Perfectionists might think that if they are perfect or get lots of compliments, they can avoid being judged, criticized, or rejected. They might see mistakes as personal failures, which can make their anxiety worse. By trying to be perfect, they hope to avoid these negative things.

Looking for Validation

Perfectionists often depend on approval from others to feel good about themselves. They might think that if they can reach really high standards, others will admire them. This can temporarily make their anxiety better.

Reducing Uncertainty

Perfectionists might plan a lot, prepare a lot, or check things over and over to reduce the uncertainty that makes them anxious. They might feel like they have to check their work again and again, ask for reassurance, or do a lot of research to make sure everything is perfect, leaving no chance for mistakes or surprises.

What is the root cause of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is something that many people, especially women I work with, struggle with. It comes from a strong want to be flawless and a big fear of failing. But what causes this ongoing chase for perfection? As an anxiety therapist, I believe that by understanding the link between anxiety symptoms and perfectionism, you can understand yourself better and find improved ways to manage anxiety.

Anxiety often is a main cause of perfectionism. Here are some ways that anxiety leads to trying to be perfect:

• Fear of Failing and Being Criticized

Anxiety stirs up a deep fear of making mistakes or being seen in a bad light by others. Perfectionists often think that any failure or flaw will lead to rejection, embarrassment, disappointment, or judgment from others. Because of this, they try to be perfect to avoid or reduce these fears. Anxiety treatment can help you understand where this fear of judgment comes from.

• Need for Control and Certainty

Anxiety is often driven by a need for control and a wish to avoid things that are uncertain. Perfectionists, pushed by their anxieties, want to control their environment, actions, and outcomes. They think that if they can be perfect, they can prevent potential symptoms of anxiety and use control to help deal with their anxiety.

• Catastrophic Thinking and Biased Thinking

Anxiety often leads to distorted and catastrophic thinking. Perfectionists tend to think in an all-or-nothing way, seeing situations as either perfect or total failures with no in-between. They may also make a big deal out of their mistakes, using one error as proof that they're not capable or not good enough. These incorrect thoughts increase anxiety and make perfectionistic behaviors worse. Working with an anxiety therapist can help you change how you think and how you view yourself.

• Unrealistic Standards and Self-Criticism

Perfectionists driven by anxiety set really high standards for themselves. They always try to meet or exceed these standards because they're afraid of falling short. The fear of making a mistake or being judged harshly by others makes them criticize themselves more, reinforcing the belief that they must be perfect. When people go to anxiety counseling, they learn where these unrealistic standards come from and find ways to be nicer to themselves.

• Anxious Thoughts About Outcomes

Anxiety can make people worry more about potential negative outcomes. Perfectionists often overthink and plan excessively to prevent mistakes or prepare for every possible outcome. They worry about the future a lot, always thinking about what could happen if they're not perfect. Anxiety therapy can help you manage your anxiety and fear of outcomes in a better way.

How Do You Calm Perfectionism Anxiety?

Striving for perfection can feel like walking a tightrope. While it's good to aim high and hold yourself to high standards, it can also create a lot of stress and worry. To lessen this kind of anxiety, we have to change the way we think and learn better coping skills. It's important to remember that being perfect is impossible and making mistakes is a part of growing. By learning to accept flaws, people can start to ease the pressure they put on themselves.

It's not a quick process to overcome perfectionism, so remember to be patient with yourself. Here are some tips that might help:

• Create achievable goals: Perfectionists often set unreachable standards. It's important to set realistic goals and remember that perfection isn't always possible. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on making progress and improving.

• Challenge negative thoughts: Perfectionism can lead to unrealistic thoughts and beliefs. Remember, your thoughts are not always facts. Learn to recognize and challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if they are based on reality or if they are distorted by perfectionism. Replace negative self-talk with more positive and realistic messages.

• Learn from mistakes: Perfectionists often fear mistakes. Recognize that making mistakes is a part of learning and growing. Use mistakes as opportunities to improve.

• Be kind to yourself: Learn to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would give to a friend. Everyone has limitations and makes mistakes, and that's okay.

• Break big tasks into smaller ones: Perfectionists can feel overwhelmed by big tasks, causing stress or procrastination. Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps can help. Focus on completing one step at a time and celebrate your progress.

• Make self-care a priority: Do things that help you relax and reduce stress. Take breaks when needed, practice deep breathing, get regular exercise, and make sure to get enough sleep and eat a balanced diet. Looking after your overall health can help lessen anxiety.

• Challenge perfectionism directly: Spend time on activities where it's okay not to be perfect, like drawing or writing. Slowly expose yourself to situations where things won't be perfect, and learn how to deal with any anxiety that comes up.

• Consider anxiety therapy: If you need it, I am an anxiety therapist who can help. I can help you understand why you strive for perfection and give you ways to manage anxiety. I can offer strategies specifically tailored to you and your experience with anxiety.

What is the best therapy for perfectionism? 

When you're struggling with trying to be perfect all the time, finding the right kind of help can make a big difference. There are two types of therapy that are really good at helping with this. They're called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). As a therapist, I've seen how much these can help people.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is all about helping you become more flexible in your thinking and to lead a life that is in line with what's most important to you. The idea behind ACT is that when we try to avoid or control our unwanted thoughts or feelings, it can cause us to suffer. ACT helps you to accept these thoughts and feelings as normal and to focus on taking action that aligns with your values.

There are several key parts to ACT:

• Acceptance: This means accepting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment or trying to change them.

• Cognitive Defusion: This is about learning to see thoughts as just thoughts, rather than facts. This can help you separate from thoughts that are not helpful or are self-critical.

• Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way. This can help you respond better to challenging thoughts and feelings.

• Values Clarification: This is about identifying what's most important to you in your life. By aligning your actions with these values, you can make choices that are meaningful to you, rather than being driven by fear of failure or a need to be perfect.

• Committed Action: This is about taking action that aligns with your values, even when you're dealing with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another type of therapy that can be very helpful. It was first developed to help with trauma, but it can also help with perfectionism, especially if it's rooted in past experiences or memories.

EMDR can help you deal with experiences that contribute to your need for control, fear of failure, or self-critical thoughts. By working on these memories, EMDR helps to reduce strong emotions and changes negative beliefs about yourself.

EMDR can also address negative beliefs about yourself that fuel perfectionism, such as "I am not good enough" or "I must be perfect to be valued." Through this process, you can develop more self-compassion, self-acceptance, and healthier standards for yourself.

It's important to remember that EMDR should be done with a therapist, as it involves working through potentially distressing memories. An anxiety therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to help you navigate these emotions.

Anxiety therapy in Utah can help you overcome perfectionism

As an anxiety therapist, I understand that perfectionism can often feel like a heavy weight, making every task seem challenging. If you're in Utah and grappling with this, know that help is available. Anxiety therapy can provide you with the tools to navigate through your perfectionistic tendencies, helping you to set more realistic expectations for yourself, and learn to embrace imperfections. By reaching out to an anxiety therapist in Utah, you're taking an important step in overcoming perfectionism, and towards a healthier, more balanced life.

How to begin working with an anxiety therapist in Utah

You don’t have to keep trying to do this alone. You deserve help from someone who gets it and know how to help you. To begin anxiety treatment follow the steps below: 

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Meet with a therapist for anxiety

3. Start feeling better

What is the Best Therapy for Perfectionism?

Finding the right anxiety therapy for perfectionism anxiety is important when you are struggling with perfectionism. Two effective therapy approaches for perfectionism are Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). ACT focuses on accepting internal experiences, challenging unhelpful thoughts, and aligning actions with personal values, while EMDR targets distressing memories to reduce their negative impact. As an anxiety therapist, I know how both ACT and EMDR can be helpful to perfectionists.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for Perfectionism Anxiety

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a therapeutic approach that aims to help people develop psychological flexibility and lead a more values-driven life. ACT is grounded in the belief that suffering arises from the struggle to avoid or control unwanted thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It encourages you to accept these internal experiences as a normal part of being human and to focus on taking committed action toward what truly matters to you

ACT incorporates several key components:

• Acceptance:

  ACT emphasizes accepting one's thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment or attempts to change or suppress them. This acceptance allows you to make room for these experiences and let them come and go without becoming entangled in them.

• Cognitive Defusion:

  Cognitive defusion involves learning to observe thoughts as mental events rather than facts. By recognizing that thoughts are not necessarily accurate or true, you can create distance from unhelpful or self-critical thoughts associated with perfectionism.

• Mindfulness:

  Mindfulness practices are central to ACT. Mindfulness involves intentionally bringing your attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and non-judgment. It helps you cultivate awareness of their internal experiences, allowing them to respond more flexibly to challenging perfectionistic thoughts and anxiety.

• Values Clarification:

  ACT focuses on identifying and clarifying personal values—the qualities and behaviors that you deem important and meaningful in your life. By aligning actions with these values, you can make choices that are consistent with their core principles and move toward a more fulfilling life rather than a fear of failure or the need to be flawless. 

• Committed Action:

  ACT encourages you to take meaningful action guided by your values, even in the presence of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings including anxiety. This involves setting goals and engaging in behaviors that reflect personal values, regardless of perfectionistic tendencies or anxiety.

EMDR Therapy for Perfectionism Anxiety

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a specialized therapeutic approach that was initially developed to address a traumatic event.  However, it can also be helpful in addressing perfectionism, particularly when perfectionistic tendencies are rooted in past experiences, traumatic events, or painful memories. 

EMDR therapy focuses on the reprocessing of distressing memories and experiences to reduce their negative impact on your present thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The underlying idea is that unresolved or unprocessed memories contribute to the development of unhealthy ways of coping such as perfectionistic tendencies. 

During an EMDR session, the anxiety therapist guides you in recalling specific distressing memories while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation, which can involve eye movements, taps, or sounds. This bilateral stimulation is needed in order to do deep processing of the memory, allowing it to be integrated in a more helpful and less distressing way.

For perfectionism, EMDR can help you identify and process underlying traumatic or painful experiences that contribute to your excessive need for control, fear of failure, or self-critical thoughts. By targeting these memories, EMDR therapy works to reduce the strong emotions that come up and changes the negative beliefs about yourself. 

EMDR therapy can also address negative self-beliefs that fuel perfectionism, such as "I am not good enough" or "I must be perfect to be valued." By reprocessing these beliefs, you can develop more self-compassion, self-acceptance, and healthier standards for yourself. It's important to note that EMDR therapy is typically conducted by a therapist as it involves working through potentially distressing memories. An anxiety therapist or EMDR therapist can create a safe and supportive space to guide you through the reprocessing process and help you navigate the emotions that come up. 

Overcoming Perfectionism

Perfectionism can feel overwhelming, but breaking free from it is possible. The first step is recognizing the rigid thought patterns that keep you stuck in this cycle, especially the belief that your worth depends on how much you achieve.

Therapy for perfectionism can help you develop self-compassion, accept making mistakes is a part of being human and growing, and set realistic expectations. When you shift your focus from “being perfect” to “making progress,” you’ll likely feel less anxiety and more self-acceptance. Over time, you can build healthier, more sustainable habits that support both your mental health. 

A big part of overcoming perfectionism is learning to sit with discomfort and uncertainty. Many perfectionists fear failure so much that they procrastinate or avoid challenges altogether. A goal of therapy for perfectionism is to understand that making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re failing and it’s ok not to be perfect. 

You can move away from having unrealistic expectations for yourself.  Flexibility allows you to make progress without the constant pressure of perfection. You can learn to release unrealistic expectations through therapy and practice, you will find you have less anxiety about not being perfect. 

How Toxic Perfectionism Makes It Hard to Seek Help

One of the biggest struggles with toxic perfectionism is that it convinces you that you should be able to handle everything on your own. Admitting you need support can feel like a failure, even when you're completely exhausted from the pressure of having it all together. Toxic perfectionism keeps you trapped in an endless cycle of self-criticism, where nothing ever feels "good enough"—not even your healing. But anxiety therapy isn’t about lowering your standards or giving up on growth. It’s about learning how to exist without the constant fear of failing, so you can move through life with more freedom, self-compassion, and peace.

Anxiety therapy in Utah can help perfectionists 

Anxiety therapy in Utah can be really helpful for perfectionists. In anxiety therapy, you get a safe and supportive space to talk about your perfectionism and anxiety. An anxiety therapist can help you understand why you feel the need to be perfect and teach you ways to manage your anxiety symptoms. You can learn to set realistic goals, challenge negative thoughts, and be kinder to yourself. Anxiety treatment can teach you to accept mistakes, take care of yourself, and find ways to calm your anxiety. With the help of an anxiety counselor, you can learn to feel better and be happier with who you are.

Start working with an anxiety therapist in Utah 

Ready to find relief from anxiety and perfectionism? Take the first step towards a happier and healthier life by scheduling an appointment with an anxiety therapist today. Don't let anxiety hold you back—reach out to an anxiety counselor and start your journey towards a more fulfilling life. To begin anxiety therapy follow these steps: 

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Meet with a therapist for anxiety

3. Find relief from perfectionism 

How Do You Calm Perfectionism Anxiety?

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While striving for excellence and high standards can be admirable, it can also lead to overwhelming anxiety and self-criticism. Calming perfectionism anxiety requires a shift in mindset and adopting healthier coping strategies. By recognizing that perfection is unattainable and embracing imperfection as part of the learning process, individuals can find relief from the burdens of constant self-judgment. Through setting realistic expectations, challenging negative thoughts, practicing self-compassion, breaking tasks into smaller steps, prioritizing self-care, challenging perfectionistic behaviors, and seeking anxiety therapy when needed, it becomes possible to calm the anxiety symptoms associated with perfectionism.

Overcoming perfectionism is a process that takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself.  Coping with perfectionism anxiety can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can try to help calm your mind and reduce the negative impact of perfectionism. Here are some ideas that may be helpful:

1. Set realistic expectations

Perfectionists often set unattainable standards for themselves. Practice setting realistic goals and accepting that perfection is not always achievable. Focus on progress and improvement rather than demanding flawlessness.

2. Challenge your negative thoughts

Perfectionism is often fueled by irrational thoughts and beliefs. Remember thoughts are not facts and that means they aren’t necessarily true.  Learn to identify and challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on facts or if they are distorted by perfectionistic thinking. Replace negative self-talk with more realistic and positive statements.

3. Embrace mistakes and failures

Perfectionists tend to fear mistakes and failure. Recognize that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth. Embrace failures as valuable opportunities for personal development. Learn from them and use them as stepping stones toward improvement.

4. Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself and cultivate self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same understanding and support you would offer to a friend. Remember that nobody is perfect, and it's okay to have limitations and make mistakes. 

5. Break tasks into smaller steps

Perfectionists often feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of a task, leading to procrastination or anxiety. Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on completing one step at a time, celebrating your progress along the way.

6. Prioritize self-care

Engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. Take breaks when needed, practice deep breathing exercises, engage in physical activity, and make sure to get enough sleep and maintain a balanced diet. Taking care of your overall well-being can help alleviate perfectionism anxiety.

7. Challenge perfectionistic behaviors

Engage in behaviors that challenge perfectionism directly. Set aside time for activities where you intentionally allow imperfection, such as drawing, painting, or writing without aiming for perfection. Gradually expose yourself to situations where you can practice accepting less-than-perfect outcomes, and use coping skills to deal with anxiety as it comes up. 

8. Seek anxiety treatment

Consider talking to an anxiety therapist or anxiety counselor who can help you explore the underlying causes of your perfectionism and provide guidance on managing anxiety. They can offer tailored strategies and techniques to address your individual experience with anxiety. 

The Weight of Toxic Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well. Toxic perfection is the constant pressure to be flawless, no matter the cost. Toxic perfectionism takes this even further, making it feel like every mistake is a failure and every success is never quite enough. It keeps your nervous system activating and working hard, fueling anxiety and self-doubt, because the fear of not measuring up won’t go away. You might find yourself overthinking every decision, replaying conversations in your head, or avoiding things altogether just to escape the possibility of failing. But perfection isn’t the solution to anxiety, it’s part of what keeps the anxiety cycle going. Anxiety therapy can help you step out of this cycle and learn how to move forward without the weight of impossible expectations.

Overcoming Perfectionism

Perfectionism and anxiety often go hand in hand, creating a cycle of self-doubt, avoidance, and overwhelming pressure. The good news is that overcoming perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards—it means shifting from impossible expectations to a more flexible, self-compassionate mindset. Instead of measuring your worth by how flawlessly you perform, therapy for perfectionism can help you recognize how focusing on self-compassion and progress is more helpful than setting high standards. 

A key part of this process is learning to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty. Perfectionists often procrastinate or avoid challenges out of fear of failure, but mistakes aren’t proof that you’re not good enough and therapy for perfectionism can help you recognize this.  When you permit yourself to be imperfect, you create space for so many more positive things and most of all less anxiety.. Therapy for perfectionism can help you break free from perfectionistic patterns and build a healthier relationship with yourself.

Anxiety therapy in Utah can help calm perfectionism anxiety

Anxiety therapy in Utah can be beneficial for women struggling with perfectionism. Anxiety therapy sessions provide a safe and supportive place where you can talk about your struggle with perfectionism and how it relates to anxiety.  An anxiety counselor can help you understand the root causes of your perfectionism and teach you ways to manage it. Anxiety treatment can help you in setting realistic goals, challenge negative thoughts, and practice self-compassion. Through anxiety therapy, you can learn to embrace mistakes and develop healthier ways of thinking and coping with anxiety. Remember, anxiety therapy is a process that takes time, but it can be a valuable tool in finding relief from perfectionism-related anxiety.

Begin meeting with an anxiety therapist in Utah

You don’t have to deal with your perfectionism anxiety alone. Anxiety therapy can help. This Utah Counseling Clinic has an anxiety therapist that specializes in treating perfectionism. To begin anxiety treatment follow the steps below: 

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Meet with a therapist for anxiety

3. Break away from perfectionism

What is Toxic Perfectionism?

You may have heard the word toxic perfectionism thrown around or this is your first time hearing about it. You might wonder if it’s any different than regular perfectionism and what does toxic perfectionism entail? Perfectionism involves aiming for high standards, achievement, and excellence. If you are a perfectionist you might be motivated to do well in work, school, and in your relationships. You want to be successful in many parts of your life. So when does it turn toxic? Honestly, I haven’t met a balanced perfectionist because as humans we aren’t mentally and emotionally equipped to obtain perfection constantly. However, let's explore more about the term toxic perfectionism and how anxiety therapy can help.

What is toxic perfectionism?

Toxic perfectionism is a mindset that is rigid on holding yourself or others to unrealistically high standards. These high standards are not attainable and result in burnout and strained relationships. It is common that these perfectionists to be angry and disappointed when they don’t achieve their goals. Toxic perfectionists will take a hit on their self-esteem when they are unable to achieve the goals or expectations they have for themselves. They may also become overly critical of themselves or others. Like perfectionists, toxic perfectionism can be focused on people pleasing at their own expense. As a result, these perfectionists experience symptoms of anxiety and depression. Toxic perfectionism disregards the effort and growth that might occur trying to achieve goals because of the intense focus on a perfect outcome. 

What are the symptoms of toxic perfectionism?

Not everyone that experiences toxic perfectionism will have all of the listed symptoms. These are just some of the common symptoms of toxic perfectionism: 

• Unrealistic standards

• Fear of failure

• Critical of self and others

• Need for control

• Procrastination 

• Rigidity

• Somatic symptoms 

• Interpersonal relationship difficulties

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Insomnia or trouble sleeping

• Imposter syndrome 

What causes toxic perfectionism?

There’s never a simple answer to complex issues such as toxic perfectionism. Toxic perfectionism can be influenced by so many factors. Here are some common factors to consider: 

1. Genetics 

There is research suggesting that genetic factors can contribute to the development of perfectionistic tendencies. There’s so much we still don’t know about genes and how it relates to perfectionism but at this point, we know there is some relationship. 

2. Parenting and childhood experiences

Being raised by perfectionistic parents or parents who have high expectations can lead to toxic perfectionism. When there is a strong emphasis on achievement and success in a family, this influences perfectionistic behaviors. 

3. Trauma 

Those who have experienced trauma may have learned to cope using perfectionistic behaviors. Those who have been through trauma may have learned that they experienced less emotional or physical abuse when they were successful. 

4. Personality traits

Certain personality traits may be more prone to become toxic perfectionists. Personality traits such as high conscientiousness, neuroticism, need for control, high standards, and OCD traits. 

How to stop toxic perfectionism?

Being able to stop toxic perfectionism is no small task and requires a lot of support including the help of a mental health professional. Being able to overcome toxic perfectionism involves practicing self-compassion, learning to cope with anxiety, and challenging the negative beliefs you have about yourself. To be successful in letting go of toxic perfectionism long term, addressing underlying trauma and learning to manage underlying mental health issues is critical. Overcoming toxic perfectionism takes time and patience. It doesn’t happen overnight because it didn’t develop overnight. You probably have more experience with using perfectionistic behaviors than you haven’t. 

What are the signs of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is highly individual and unique to each person. These are common signs of perfectionism: 

1. Setting extremely high standards for oneself or others. 

2. Procrastination. Perfectionists procrastinate for fear that they can’t achieve a goal or complete a task to their high standards. 

3. Overthinking. Perfectionists tend to overthink or overanalyze situations. 

4. Focus on outcomes and achievement. Perfectionists focus on achieving their standards rather than growth and learning. 

5. Black and white thinking: Perfectionists tend to think of things in extremes and don’t see a middle ground. 

6. Control. Perfectionists have a need to feel in control of situations, people, and emotions. 

7. Self-critical. Perfectionists can utilize negative self-talk, and blame, and are overly hard on themselves. 

Overcoming Perfectionism

The first step to overcoming toxic perfectionism is to notice when you are setting impossible standards for yourself. Think about the areas in your life where perfectionism causes stress—maybe at work, in school, or even in personal projects. Ask yourself if your expectations are realistic or if they are setting you up to feel like a failure. Try adjusting them to be more reasonable, allowing space for mistakes and learning. When you accept that nobody is perfect, it takes away some of the pressure and helps you feel less anxious.

Being kind to yourself is also an important part of overcoming perfectionism. If a friend made a mistake, you wouldn’t tell them they weren’t good enough—so why say that to yourself? When you feel like you’ve failed or didn’t do something perfectly, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and that’s okay. Practicing mindfulness, like taking deep breaths or focusing on the present moment, can help you stop worrying so much about your flaws. Learning to be more understanding toward yourself will help you break free from toxic perfectionism and feel more confident in your everyday life.

Therapy for perfectionists in Utah can help with toxic perfectionism 

If you are someone struggling with toxic perfectionism, there’s help for you. You can work through toxic perfectionism in therapy. Therapy can help you learn to understand self-compassion and how to practice it. You can learn to challenge negative self-talk and be able to change and challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself. You may have learned to use perfectionistic tendencies as a way of coping with trauma or anxiety. Working with a therapist can help you learn to cope in a more healthy and effective way. You can also learn to heal from your trauma and work through the other underlying emotional issues you may have experienced or be experiencing. Therapy may not be easy but it’s worth the effort and impact it will have on your life. You deserve to be seen and understood. You can overcome toxic perfectionism, and promise that therapy is a valuable tool to help. 

Begin therapy for perfectionism near Provo, Utah

You don’t have to stay stuck in a pattern of perfectionism. You can learn to be kind to yourself and not give yourself a hard time when you don’t do as well as you would have liked. This Utah Counseling Clinic has a compassionate therapist who specializes in treating perfectionism. To begin counseling follow the steps below: 

1. Schedule a free phone consultation 

2. Meet with a therapist for perfectionism

3. Start healing from toxic perfectionism 

Online Therapy in Utah 

I know it’s not easy to access a therapist that specializes in what you need. It can be inconvenient to travel to a therapy appointment when you don’t have the time. This is why I offer online therapy in Utah. It’s just as effective and helpful as in-person therapy but much more convenient. 

Online counseling means I work with women all over Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, Provo, St. George, Cedar City, Heber City, and more. 

Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy 

Therapy for perfectionism isn’t the only therapy service provided by this Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, eating disorder therapy, counseling for college students, birth trauma therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, and body image therapy. Schedule a consultation today to see how I can help! 

About the Author 

Ashlee Hunt is a licensed clinical social worker and found of Maple Canyon Therapy near Provo, Utah. Ashlee obtained her master's degree in social work from Utah State University and two bachelor's degrees in family life and human development and psychology from Southern Utah University. Ashlee has been working with women who struggle with perfectionism since 2013. She loves helping women learn more about self-compassion and to move past the high standards they set for themselves. She enjoys helping women see themselves more accurately and to let go of the anxiety surrounding being a perfectionist.