6 Signs You Are A Perfectionist

Back in the day when I was doing group therapy at an eating disorder treatment center, I remember leading a group on perfectionism. It was insightful to me and the women in it. Many of those women didn’t think they were perfectionists until after the group was over. They were surprised at how perfectionism can show up in different ways. Perfectionism can range from getting straight A’s to not being willing to do anything due to fear that it won’t be perfect. Perfectionism is different in everyone but the impact is negative regardless. 

Perfectionism is one of those things that people actually view as a good thing. People are more willing to share they’re a perfectionist than they are to admit they are depressed. It might seem more socially acceptable to be a perfectionist but at times we fail to see how damaging it is. Perfectionism can be paralyzing to people, which leads to increased anxiety and depression. Being high-achieving might seem like a good thing but sometimes we don’t realize the cost and toll it takes on us. 

There are many different signs of perfectionism. This is not a comprehensive list and just because you might relate to all of these doesn’t mean you aren’t a perfectionist. 

Signs of perfectionism

You avoid things you’re not good at

If you are someone that doesn’t believe you’ll be good at something then you avoid doing it at all costs. You might avoid it because you are afraid of looking stupid or not being seen as having it all together. This trait is something that perfectionists fail to see in themselves because they think they’re actually lazy or unmotivated. The truth is they are absolutely terrified of making a mistake or people knowing they’re not good at everything. 

Being average is unacceptable

I had a client tell me that thinking about being average “hurts their feelings”. They want to be good at everything. Getting anything less than an A feels like failure. They feel like they have to be above average at everything they do. Receiving any feedback or criticism feels like failure. If they don’t get a glowing evaluation at their job then they feel like a failure. It is completely unrealistic to be able to achieve high standards in all areas of life, and yet perfectionists feel they somehow have to. 

Doing anything imperfectly means you’re a failure of a person

Perfectionists don’t allow themselves to be human. They may be able to accept that other people make mistakes but they don’t allow themselves to do the same. When they fail to measure up to their own standards or make mistakes they view it as a failure. They don’t see themselves as separate from this and believe they are a failure of a person. Not measuring up often is accompanied by increased anxiety and depression. 

Seeing only flaws in your achievements

You might be a perfectionist if you only see the flaws in your achievements or accomplishments. Often nobody else will see these things but perfectionists see all of their mistakes People who are perfectionistic might be embarrassed or ashamed for anyone to see the things they’ve done because of this. It seems that no matter how much effort or work perfectionists put into something, it never quite measures up to the standard they have for themselves. 

Never feeling good enough

Perfectionists downright never feel that what they do is good enough. They are quick to point out what they could be doing better or what they could improve. It doesn’t matter how much praise or compassion is given to them they don’t think they deserve it because they are not perfect. Perfectionism is a black hole of there never being anything that makes you feel enough. 

Fear other people will see your mistakes

A perfectionist’s worst nightmare is that other people will see them as a failure. They are fearful people will see through them and believe they are incompetent and an imposter. Perfectionists don’t want to be put in situations where they aren’t able to do things competently because they don’t want others to see them as weak. Perfectionists will avoid being in situations where they might feel stupid or might be seen in a negative light. 

Perfectionism isn’t just about seeming put together and getting good grades. It’s about struggling with self-esteem and anxiety for many. Perfectionists engage in many of their tendencies as a way of feeling better about themselves. Perfectionistic behavior is also about trying to manage anxiety but it pays a price on your emotional well-being. 

Anxiety Therapy can help with perfectionism 

If you read this blog and found yourself identifying with having perfectionistic behaviors, the best thing you can do for yourself is to seek out therapy. Therapy can help you find different ways to cope with your emotions and feel better about yourself. You don’t have to feel suffocated by perfectionism. You can feel better about yourself. 

Ready to start anxiety therapy in Utah?

You can move beyond perfectionism, and anxiety therapy can help. This Utah County Counseling Center has an anxiety therapist specializing in therapy for perfectionism. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with a therapist for anxiety

3. Find freedom from perfectionism

Online anxiety therapy in Utah

It’s tough to prioritize yourself and take time from your schedule to see a therapist. I know how much therapy can make a difference and change your life. This is why I offer online therapy in Utah. Online counseling is a face-to-face video session that’s equally to in-person therapy but much more convenient.

Telehealth allows me to work with clients in Salt Lake City, St. George, Cedar City, Logan, Heber, and more.

Other mental health services at maple canyon therapy

Anxiety therapy isn’t the only counseling service offered at this Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services include body image therapy, eating disorder therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, birth trauma therapy, and trauma therapy in Utah.

5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Anxiety: Advice From an Anxiety Therapist

If you are someone that struggles with anxiety, you’ve likely been given unhelpful advice at times on how to manage it. Most people give this advice because they don’t truly understand the depth of anxiety because they’ve never experienced it themselves, or they’re uncomfortable with emotions that aren’t deemed positive. If you are reading this and you love someone that struggles with anxiety I want to give you a little insight about anxiety. 

Anxiety is not something that can be controlled with a flip of a switch. Just because someone experiences anxiety it doesn’t mean they aren’t trying or they are bringing it on themselves. Our brains are complicated sometimes, and each person has to find what works for them. If you have a loved one that experiences anxiety, I would certainly invite you to go inward on what’s happening for you when you know they are feeling anxious. Are you uncomfortable with their anxiety? Do you not understand their anxiety? Are you desperate to make them feel better? Whatever it is you need to understand that their anxiety isn’t about you. You cannot manage someone else's anxiety for them but there are things you can do to be supportive and helpful. Some of the things you might say to someone with anxiety aren’t supportive and can be really invalidating. Let me introduce you to some. 

“Just try not to worry about it” 

I would guess if you are using this statement you’re probably pretty uncomfortable with someone’s anxiety. As I said before people don’t have the ability to turn off their brains and simply stop worrying about something. I assure you that anxiety is already uncomfortable and overwhelming enough that if this was an option for people they would have done it long ago. Instead of asking your loved one not to worry about it try, “What can I do to help support you right now?” 

“Calm down” 

Those two words do not activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the part of the nervous system that calms). I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. Again using this statement is likely a result of your own discomfort, and maybe it’s time to own those feelings. Ironically, saying “Calm down” will have the opposite effect. It’s bound to make someone feel unheard and realize you are not a safe person to be open with about what your loved one is experiencing. Try “I’m here for you. You don’t have to do this alone” and then be present with them. 

“It’s all in your head” 

In my opinion, this is the worst one. Yes, anxiety begins in our brains so, of course, it’s in people's heads. This statement has another meaning and when people hear it they are not only invalidated but they feel crazy and as if they are making their anxiety up. I don’t think people want to be anxious. I work with women with anxiety, and they don’t enjoy the experience of feeling anxious, and they don’t want to feel crazy or believe that you think they’re making this up. Try instead, “Do you want me to listen, or would you like a distraction?” 

“You need to change your thoughts”

I will give you some credit if you’ve used this statement before. One approach to anxiety management for some people is to work on changing their thoughts. It’s not my favorite approach because it’s not always effective or worth someone’s energy to chase down all their thoughts and try to change them. The reason people fall into thought traps is likely because of past experiences. Those are the experiences that are worth focusing energy and time on healing. We are also missing the big part of the fact that anxiety is an emotion, not just a thought. Anxious thoughts can accompany anxiety but changing your thoughts doesn’t change an emotion. We cannot just turn off an emotion.  Try instead, “I am sure this is overwhelming for you. What can I do to help you cope?”

“Focus on praying and having faith”

This one. This response may be said with good intentions but my oh my is it a shaming one. Let me remind you that anxiety sometimes arrives outside of people’s control. When someone prays and tries to have faith and the anxiety doesn’t go away, they are led to believe it’s their fault. They must be doing something wrong if they’ve checked all the spiritual boxes and are still struggling. Prayer and faith can be a helpful tool for SOME people, but they aren’t the cure. Please don’t say this to anyone about any physical and emotional struggle. It’s not their fault that they have anxiety. Try saying, “I’m sure it’s hard to feel positive right now. What do you need from me?”

Please remember to be gentle with your people that have anxiety. Validating and being present with their emotions actually helps them get through the experience faster but doesn’t always mean it’s a quick and easy process. 

Anxiety therapy can help

Whether you struggle with anxiety or a loved one, anxiety therapy is the secret sauce. It’s actually not that big of a secret, but maybe you’re not quite a believer in counseling. If you don’t know how to help yourself or someone you love that struggles with anxiety, consider anxiety therapy. Going to therapy doesn’t mean you are crazy or that something is wrong with you but it does make a world of difference to work with a trained mental health professional. As a therapist, I have spent years studying mental health and how to help people struggling, and want you to know you are not beyond help if you are struggling. Anxiety therapy is an investment that you will not regret.

Start anxiety therapy near Provo, Utah

If you are struggling with anxiety and want help learning to cope with your emotions and work on the root of the problem, I can help. This Northern Utah Counseling Practice has a therapist for anxiety specializing in anxiety treatment. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Complete online forms and meet with an anxiety therapist

3. Begin anxiety therapy

Work with an anxiety therapist online in Utah

I want to make therapy as accessible for you as possible. It’s not easy to take time out of your work and school schedule to meet with a therapist. I also know how important it is to prioritize your mental health, which is why I offer online therapy in Utah. It’s safe, convenient, and just as effective as in-person therapy.

Online therapy allows me to work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, St. George, Heber, Cedar City, and more.

Other mental health services at Maple Canyon Therapy

Anxiety therapy isn’t the only counseling service at this Utah County Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include binge eating disorder treatment, eating disorder therapy, birth trauma therapy, body image therapy, and trauma therapy in Utah.

About the Author

Ashlee Hunt is licensed clinical social worker in the state of Utah and owner of Maple Canyon Therapy in Northern Utah. Ashlee has two bachelors degrees in psychology and family life and human development from Southern Utah University. She has a masters in social work from Utah State University. Ashlee enjoys helping women who struggle with dating anxiety and high functioning anxiety find the relief they desperately deserve. She has been practicing therapy for almost a decade and enjoys the privilege of working with some of the loveliest people she has ever met. When Ashlee isn’t practicing therapy, she enjoys time outside and spends time at the North Park in Spanish Fork.

5 Ways To Deal With Dating Anxiety: Tips From an Anxiety Therapist

Rest assured I’m not here to give you dating advice or to convince you that dating is fun. I won’t pretend that I know what you’re going through or give you my unsolicited opinion as your mom might ;). I know it can be frustrating living here in Utah and feeling the enormous pressure to date. It’s a big deal to try and figure out who you are and what your values are AND try to begin relationships. The great state of Utah has a heavy emphasis on dating and getting married and when you have anxiety about dating this is torture. 

Dating can bring up all sorts of feelings you have about yourself. It brings up insecurities about body image, nervousness around finding the right outfit, having to eat in front of someone, feeling awkward, and not knowing what to say. I also know it's scary to be alone with someone and worry about your safety. All of these make it super hard for dating but when you have anxiety on top of all of that it’s incredibly difficult. I wish that I could dress in disguise and sit in the next booth at the restaurant you’re at so you wouldn’t have to feel so scared and alone. Since I can’t do that I want to give you some tips on how to manage dating anxiety. 

Accept that you have dating anxiety 

This might sound like a no-brainer but hear me out. Sometimes we fight with our brains or try to talk ourselves out of feeling a certain way. If you’ve ever been a victim to someone saying “just don’t worry about it”, you know that anxiety cannot just be turned off. Let me say that again, you can’t just turn anxiety off. Accept that you’re likely going to feel anxious at some point on your date, and that's ok! There’s nothing wrong with you. Meeting new people can be scary. Also remember that all those things your brain is telling you like, “I’m not pretty enough” or “He won’t like me” or “This is going to be so awkward” aren’t facts, they’re just anxious thoughts. If you can accept that these thoughts are going to show up but it doesn’t mean you have to latch onto them or believe them. You can let them come and go. 

Focus on what you can control

You don’t have control over if your date likes you or not. You don’t have control over if you have a connection. You don’t have control over if you have anxiety but there are many other things you do have control over. You have control over what you wear, how you respond to things, and what you choose to do. Focus on those things. Dress in ways that you are comfortable and can feel the most confidence. I understand that if you have dating anxiety you are likely going to be somewhat uncomfortable so can you offset that by finding ways to be comfortable? Wear comfortable shoes, be gentle with yourself, and please don’t make yourself wear tight pants. 

Don’t agree to things you aren’t comfortable with 

No matter what, you don’t have to do anything with your date that you aren’t uncomfortable with. If your date wants to go for a drive up the canyon, you can say no. If you don’t feel comfortable driving alone even for short distances with them, you are allowed to drive yourself. If you want to invite another couple along, you’re allowed to talk to your date about doing that. If you aren’t comfortable with holding hands or don’t kissing on the first date, you absolutely don’t have to do that! You also are not obligated to go further than that either. If your date is unwilling to 

accommodate what's in your comfort level, please don’t go or call someone to pick you up. You are already anxious and don’t need extra pressure. 

Remember it's not your job to please your date or make them like you. 

We all want to be liked. Some of us pretend we don’t care about that but deep down we all do. I totally understand feeling anxious on a date because you want to be liked so badly. You don’t have control over this, and you don’t need to spend your energy trying to fit a mold or getting someone to like you. I know it’s not easy to let go of this. I know it’s hard to just be chill and easygoing about being liked, and I’m not asking you to be. I’m reminding you how YOU FEEL MATTERS. You don’t have to go to great lengths to be impressive. You’re good enough now. If your date doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t like you either. 

Have a goal for yourself on the date

If you don’t have control over if someone likes you or not and it’s not your job to please your date and let's be honest maybe you don’t even want to go on the date because you’re so anxious, you can choose to have a goal instead. Like with all things that bring us anxiety, practice and exposure to it help to decrease anxiety. If you want to lessen your dating anxiety, you need to date more often. I’m not saying you need to date to get married nor am I pressuring you to be in a relationship because I don’t care about that. I’m here committed to helping you ease your dating anxiety. Having a goal for what you want to focus on practicing on the date can be helpful. Do you want to practice deep breathing while in conversation? Do you want to practice asking and answering questions? Choose something that you want to feel better about when it comes to dating anxiety and practice it. 

I just want to tell you I’m proud of you. I know dealing with dating anxiety is hard. I know you would like to avoid dating altogether, and if that’s what you choose to do, there is nothing wrong with it. You have to take care of yourself and do what's best for you. When we feel obligated or lectured into doing something, it’s really not a pleasant experience. There is no rush to your healing. Keep doing what feels right to you. You can trust your intuition. 

Anxiety Therapy for Dating Anxiety

Dating anxiety really is the worst. I hate that you’re going through this. I don’t want you to feel so much pressure to date and overcome your anxiety. I want you to find relief from anxiety and date when and how you are comfortable. The women I work with feel the same way you do. They might feel anxiety about dating because they’ve had a negative experience with dating, or they just don’t like to date because they don’t feel great about themselves. Regardless of the reason, I’m confident that I can help.

Begin anxiety therapy in Utah?

You don’t have to keep dealing with the anxiousness of dating. Anxiety Therapy can help. This Northern Utah Counseling Clinic has an anxiety therapist who can help. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

1. Meet with an anxiety therapist in Utah

2. Begin therapy for anxiety

Online Anxiety Therapy in Utah

I offer online therapy in Utah to help with your anxiety. I know it’s hard to go to therapy and take time out of your schedule, but I know how much therapy can help. It can be the thing that makes the biggest difference for you.

Online counseling means that if you are located in St. George, Logan, Salt Lake City, Cedar City, Heber and more, you have access to working with an online therapist in Utah.

Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy

Anxiety therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include therapy for birth trauma, eating disorder therapy, EMDR therapy, body image therapy, and binge eating disorder treatment in Utah.

4 Reasons To Not Compliment Weight Loss: Advice From an Eating Disorder Therapist

“People think I look better when I’m thinner.” I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that statement or some variation of that statement in therapy with the woman sitting across from me. Do you know what sucks about that? That is reality and not something they made up. People have given them attention and compliments when they’ve been at lower weights.  I don’t care at all whatever number my client weighs. The number that has no power over me has so much power over them, and sadly it’s because it’s been reinforced to them as better by the compliments that have been given them when they are at a lower weight. 

If you have read the post I wrote very recently “Why You Shouldn’t Comment on Anyone’s Body” you might have an idea how this topic is an area that I am passionate about. At the risk of saying the same thing I saA woman sitting down looking scared. This represents how at Maple Canyon Therapy, provides binge eating disorder treatment, eating disorder treatment, and body image therapy in Utah.id in that post, I wanted to dive into why complimenting weight loss specifically is a bad idea. I am an eating disorder therapist and even when I am working with women without eating disorders, I am working with women in general. I don’t think I have met a woman in my office that didn’t have some history or present struggle with body image. If you are reading this and have never struggled with body image, I would love to meet you!

Pointing out weight loss can have harmful effects

I am writing more about this because the women I work with deserve better, and so do you. I know most people aren’t trying to hurt people by complimenting weight loss. I think they are actually doing the opposite. They think they are being kind and praising their effort and their work. In the moment, it might feel good for people to hear but later it hurts to think about when they’ve gained the weight back or are terrified to eat more because they might gain the weight back. Most people because our bodies aren’t down with eating under what they need. Reasons why you shouldn’t compliment weight loss:

1. You might not realize that you are reinforcing that being thinner is better

As a society, we have been led to believe that being thin is the superior way of being. This is harmful because many people aren’t made to be thin. They have to do to great lengths that are natural and unhealthy to occupy a thin body. Making comments on weight loss continues to give others the message that it’s important to be thin. You also may not realize that you are giving attention to a person who has lost weight that you didn’t give before. Nobody likes that feeling. People will begin equating weight loss with attention. 

2. Complimenting weight loss encourages disordered eating. 

Remember we have no idea how a person who has lost weight has lost it. Healthy weight loss is pretty hard to come by. Pointing out weight loss as a positive thing reinforces that a person has to use disordered eating behaviors. Disordered eating behaviors take a major physical, emotional, and mental toll on people. Please don’t encourage someone to continue using these. I cannot tell you how painful it is for my clients to try and work through this. 

3. Complimenting weight loss is giving the person the message they didn’t look good before. 

As I have said before, complimenting weight loss reinforces that a person is more valuable when they are thinner. I have countless conversations with women who have this reaction. They tell me that people in their lives have told them how good they look after losing weight and they begin to believe that their spouse or partner likes them better the thinner they are. There are many reasons that I don’t even point out weight loss ever, and this is one of them. The people in my life have the same value to me regardless of the number on the scale, and I’m sure you feel the same. Make sure you aren’t subtly giving the message that attraction is based on weight loss or being thin.

4. You might be complimenting an illness or an eating disorder. 

We don’t know how people lost weight. People lose weight because they are very sick, and complimenting that breaks my heart. I have had several people in my life be incredibly ill and what did people notice? The weight loss. If you don’t know, this is messed up. People also can be losing weight as a result of having an eating disorder and might be working on getting enough courage to get help. They might be working on getting adequate nutrition, and making comments about their body will become a barrier. Eating disorders cause so much physical and emotional damage and complimenting their side effects is not helpful. Many people believe they are complimenting “health” when they are complimenting weight loss. Health means a lot of different things and when someone is sick or has an eating disorder this is obviously not healthy. 

I never mean to be harsh, and sometimes learning you’ve been doing things that aren’t helpful really sucks. We don’t always know when we are contributing to a greater problem. I know I have made the same mistakes before knowing better, and I regret the things I have said so so much. All you and I can do at this point is to realize our own beliefs about weight and body size. That’s our stuff to work through if we continue to idealize a thinner body. 

Eating disorder therapy for when you’re struggling

If you are struggling with how you feel about your body, disordered eating behaviors, or think you might have an eating disorder, therapy can help. Working through how you feel about your body image and managing your anxiety better is possible. A lot goes into eating disorder recovery, but the first step is reaching out for help. I love working with women who struggle with disordered eating and who are ready to do whatever it takes to get better

Looking for eating disorder therapy in Utah?

I promise you don’t have to struggle with your eating or your body image for the rest of your life. Eating disorder treatment can help. This Northern Utah Counseling Practice has an eating disorder therapist that can help. To begin therapy, follow these steps:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with a body image therapist

3. Begin eating disorder therapy

Online Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah

When you are struggling with an eating disorder, it’s important that you receive help from someone that has specialized training in eating disorder treatment. I know this isn’t always easy or convenient, as many parts of Utah don’t have access to this. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. This allows you to meet with an eating disorder therapist from the comfort of your home without traveling or commuting.

Online counseling also means that we can work together wherever you are in Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, St. Goerge, Cedar City, Heber, and more.

Other services offered at Maple Canyon Therapy Services

Eating disorder therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided at this Utah County Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include binge eating disorder treatment, body image therapy, birth trauma therapy, trauma therapy, and anxiety therapy in Utah.

About the Author

Ashlee Hunt is a Utah therapist and owner of Maple Canyon Therapy in Utah County. Ashlee has been working with women with eating disorders since she was a graduate student working at Utah State University Counseling and Psychological Services as a student therapist. This is where she decided to work with women with eating disorders, disordered eating, and body-image. Ashlee believes eating disorder recovery is possible and likes to help empower women with the tools they need to get better. Ashlee has two bachelor’s degrees from Southern Utah University in psychology and family life and human development. She received her masters in social work from Utah State University. When Ashlee isn’t doing therapy, she enjoys spending time outside and taking her dogs to Strawberry Reservoir.

How Marriage Counseling Can Be Helpful In Eating Disorder Recovery

Guest Blog Post 

I am passionate about working with women who struggle with disordered eating, and they are the loveliest clients to work with. A big part of eating disorder recovery is utilizing the relationships you have as support, and couples therapy definitely helps. I  am not an expert in couples therapy, I do happen to know someone who is and is passionate about helping couples have the relationship of their dreams while being realistic. Check out this post about couples therapy by Marcus Hunt, a couples therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy here in Spanish Fork, Utah. Enjoy the product of us nerding out about therapy things. 

Eating disorders impact your relationship 

When you are in the midst of your eating disorder, you might not notice how it impacts your relationships or marriage. It’s easy to dismiss that it has any sort of effect on your relationship but it does. The way you show up for your partner or don’t show up for them might be a result of your eating disorder. Eating disorders can be all-consuming, and you might not realize it. Eating disorders involve some level of keeping things secret and isolating. Isolation can occur from avoidance around social events involving food or because you’re experiencing depression and anxiety. You may not also realize you’re isolating yourself from your partner. This not be making you feel guilty but to help you see the reality; it can be hard to connect with someone that’s consumed with negative thoughts about themselves and engaging in harmful behaviors. 

Your relationship with food might impact your partner as well. Some people have “food rules” where they only eat certain foods or only allow them to eat at certain times. People with eating disorders might not allow certain foods in the house because they think it’s a “bad food” or is the food they are afraid of eating. Eating disorders do more than restrict food but they restrict connection. Your partner may consequently have to also live by your food rules, and it’s hard to live in congruence when one of you has rules that you feel like you always have to follow. It’s hard to go out to dinner or breakfast if your food rules don’t allow for it. These rules also impact your children and the way you and your partner end up parenting. Looking at food with morals can have far-reaching effects. Your partner might also feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you. 

Eating disorders impact your self-esteem and might put up walls with your partner

People with eating disorders don’t view themselves in a positive light. They are consumed with how terrible they feel about themselves. Those with eating disorders have higher instances of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. They tend to speak negatively about themselves, and their partners feel helpless on what to do because nothing seems to make a difference. A spouse or partner of someone with an eating disorder might not see all the negative things you believe about yourself. The self-hatred people with these disorders experience ends up putting up walls to other people in their lives because they don’t believe they deserve the love they are being offered or else they just can’t feel it at all. 

An eating disorder can feel like a third member of your relationship. There’s research that shows that eating disorders increase marital dissatisfaction and intimacy problems. 

Your relationship impacts your eating disorder 

If your partner doesn’t have an eating disorder there are a lot of things they don’t understand. When you don’t feel understood in a relationship, it can be painful. It’s also true that there are certain things that a spouse or partner can say or do to trigger anxiety or other difficult emotions that relate to the eating disorder. People with eating disorders might feel uncomfortable with you commenting on their physical appearance or weight. Comments about food and how the person with an eating disorder is eating can cause increased motivation to engage in eating disorder behaviors. Praising weight loss in a relationship can reinforce to the person with an eating disorder that their partner would be more attracted to them the less they weigh. The same is true when a partner is critical of weight gain or food choices. Someone with an eating disorder might feel shame about comments on weight gain and may eat in secret. 

When someone is in eating disorder recovery, the most support they need will be from their partner. When your partner inadvertently does or says things to trigger your eating disorder behaviors or negative feelings about yourself, they are not supporting your recovery. They likely have no idea that what they are doing affects you, and you might not know how to talk to them about it. 

Eating disorder recovery is hard to do alone

Many people who struggle with eating disorders, would rather not involve their families in their recovery. They are convinced they won’t understand, that it’s not necessary or they don’t want to feel like a burden. Healing happens within relationships. Your partner or spouse needs to be involved in your recovery in order for you to heal and remain in recovery. You may also be ambivalent to involving your partner in this process because you are unsure you want to recover and are afraid if you involve your partner you won’t have any control to engage in eating disorder behaviors. 

How Marriage Counseling can be helpful in eating disorder recovery

Marriage counseling is not just for people struggling in their marriage or relationship. It’s for everyone that wants to improve their relationship. Eating disorders impact the relationship and can be something that comes between the two of you. marriage counseling can help. 

1. Marriage counseling can help your partner know how to support you 

Couples therapy is a good place to have hard conversations that seem impossible to have on your own. It’s difficult to open up about what you need or what you don’t need from your partner. This can be a space to talk about what the partner may be doing to trigger eating disorder behaviors. Everyone is doing their best and in a world that is focused on diet culture and weight loss, your partner might not realize they may be contributing to the struggle. It’s also important to focus not on the things you shouldn’t do but on the things that will be helpful. Being open about how your partner can help you cope without using an eating disorder behaviors can be a critical part of recovery. 

2. Marriage Counseling can help you find the strengths in your relationship

When you are struggling with an eating disorder, you might feel like you are to blame for the relationship struggles. The goal of couples therapy is not to make you feel like everything is your fault. Eating disorders do impact the relationship but recovery can also bring you closer together as a couple. Your relationship doesn’t only surround your eating disorder but there are things you are doing well in your relationship. Couples therapy also focuses on doing more of the things that you are doing well in the relationship. There have been times when the eating disorder wasn’t interfering with the relationship and focusing on how you managed in those situations is a key element of couples therapy. 

3. Marriage Counseling can aid in you overcoming the challenges of an eating disorder together

As we talked about earlier, recovering from an eating disorder alone is hard to do alone, and it makes a big difference to utilize your partner for support. If you have someone that loves and cares about you in your life, you can get through a lot of things together. A central part of successful eating disorder recovery is utilizing the support you have. Both of your needs in the relationship matter and working together to overcome an eating disorder will allow your connection to grow. Connection is a key element in recovery from addictions and mental health disorders. Connecting more with your partner than your eating disorder can do wonderful things for both recovery and the relationship. 

4. Marriage Counseling can combat the secrecy of the eating disorder

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy. They are able to be successful by isolating and not sharing their struggles with other people. Your eating disorder will at times see your partner as a threat because that connection can move you away from using harmful behaviors. Being open and honest with your partner about your emotions, and desires can stop your eating disorder from taking over. Couples therapy can help you address these areas and learn to communicate your needs and emotions. This is not a natural thing for most of us to do. Couples therapy is about learning tools and ways of communicating with each other that go beyond eating disorder recovery. 

Eating disorder recovery is hard, and you deserve to do it with someone that loves you. You might think they don’t understand what you’re going through but trust me, they can learn to get it the best they can. You don’t have to experience it to be able to give good support and safety. You deserve to be cared about, and couples therapy can help you overcome the challenges that your eating disorder may have handed to you. 

Ready to start Marriage Counseling and located in Utah?

Marcus Hunt is passionate about couples therapy. He loves helping couples learn to talk to each other and to connect in ways they used to. Marcus enjoys working with two people that are trying to figure things out and are doing the best they can. He wants to help you connect with your partner on what is important to you.  Whatever you are struggling with, he is confident that couples therapy can be helpful to just about everyone that is in a committed relationship and is willing to do the work to get the kind of relationship you want. You can begin marriage counseling by visiting Marcus Hunt Therapy.

About the Author 

Marcus Hunt is a marriage and family therapist who loves working with couples to get the spark back in their relationship. Marcus Hunt provides couples counseling, marriage counseling, and mental health therapy for men. He is an EMDR therapist and works to help people work through trauma. Marcus Hunt provides services through both online counseling throughout Utah and in-person in his office in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

Looking for eating disorder therapy near Provo, Utah?

If you have come to realize your eating disorder is taking over your life, I want you to know you don’t have to keep suffering. Eating Disorder Therapy can help. This Utah County Counseling Center has an eating disorder therapist specializing in eating disorder treatment. To begin eating disorder therapy follow these steps:

1. Scheduling a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Complete online forms and meet with an eating disorder therapist in Utah

3. Begin eating disorder therapy

Binge Eating Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

I have been thinking about writing this blog for a while, and I have to tell you some of my favorite clients are the ones that struggle with binge eating. The reason has nothing to do with their eating disorder behaviors and everything to do with how they present. My clients with binge eating are full of shame. They are so embarrassed by their eating disorder that they can’t even stand to be seen. They feel judged for their behaviors and can’t even imagine talking about it and telling the truth about how they use food. Those that I work with that struggle with binge eating disorder feel like they don’t have the “good eating disorder” and hate themselves for it.  My eyes are getting tearful just thinking about these lovely clients. I adore these clients because all I want to do is make them feel safe and seen. I want so badly for them to know that they won’t be judged, and they will be cared about. These are the clients that don’t talk about what they are going through because society is more rewarding of restricting than it is of binging. What my clients don’t know is their disorder is a product of restricting and limiting foods not because they don’t have self-control. Binging is a normal reaction that any person can go through after years of restriction. I don’t want you to blame yourself or hate yourself for something that isn’t your fault. 

If you’re here because you think you might have binge eating disorder, you’re safe with me. I’m not here to judge you but I want to help take care of you. Let’s dive into your comprehensive binge eating disorder guide according to Ashlee Hunt. 

What is Binge Eating Disorder?

Here’s the thing, I could easily give you google’s definition but you could easily find that yourself if you wanted to. I’m going to tell you what it is according to non-google terms. People with binge eating disorder tend to eat, what for them is large quantities of food to the point where they feel uncomfortably stuffed and out of control with food.

 I have worked with clients who think they binge when they are actually eating adequate amounts of food but because they are used to heavily restricting this feels like a “binge”. This isn’t binge eating disorder. Although I will indicate that this can be how binging starts but it’s not the same thing. When I worked at an eating disorder treatment center, I led a binge eating disorder support group, and the women I worked with didn’t feel they fit in anywhere because they truly were binging, but other people were restricting. While all eating disorders carry some component of shame, binge eating disorder by far cares the most shame. 

Symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder: 

• Eating a quantity of food that leaves your body feeling uncomfortably full

• Eating for you what is a large quantity of food in a short period of time

• Frequently eating alone or sneaking food

• Feelings of shame and guilt after eating for you is a large quantity of food

• Feeling powerless or out of control around food

Binge Eating Disorder is a result of restriction

Those that I have worked with come to me feeling frustrated because they had gone for years with sticking to a diet or being able to have self-control. They are now binging and don’t know what went wrong. They try to tighten up even more on restricting foods or counting calories and macros but they just keep binging. Binge eating disorder is not because you don’t have self-control. It’s because you’ve deprived yourself of food through dieting and restricting. It makes sense that you would be binging after a diet. This is a normal reaction. Your body does not like to be underfed, and we don’t get to decide how much food our bodies require. Eventually, your body will rebel and cravings increase, and binges occur. Again this is an expected reaction from the body. Clients have told me that they aren’t restricting themselves from food, so why would they be binging then? The mental restriction is just as powerful as a physical restriction. If you are telling yourself in your head that you can only eat a certain amount of food, this is a restriction. This is a restriction if you are labeling foods good and bad and only allowing yourself to eat the “good” foods. This is a restriction if you don’t allow certain foods in your home because you’re afraid of a binge. This is a restriction if you are telling yourself how much food you can eat without checking in with what your body wants. If you are mentally restricting, you are still going to binge. 

Binge Eating Disorder doesn’t improve with more restriction. 

I see people trying to improve their binge eating disorder with even more restriction. Once again they believe if they could just get a hold of themselves and stick to a diet they would stop binging. This is creating even more restrictions. You will be surprised to know that binge eating disorder is actually overcome by allowing yourself to eat all foods. Intuitive Eating was created at first as the treatment for binge eating disorder. We know to use it to treat all eating disorders but learning to listen to your body and give yourself unconditional permission to eat all foods is how 

I recommend the people I work with who have binge eating disorder to work with an intuitive eating dietitian. My clients have feared that working with a dietitian would involve putting them on another diet or shaming them for how they eat. I recommend trusted dietitians who will help you learn to listen to your body and are anti-diet dietitians. 

Binge Eating Disorder treatment can help.

Most people will go see their doctor for binge eating disorder, and sadly this usually makes things worse. Their doctor will likely prescribe weight loss (*facepalm*) through a diet or medication that will help them eat less. I know it may be tempting to go this route but please please reconsider. The treatment for binge eating disorder involves working with a binge eating disorder therapist who operates from a Health At Every Size approach. As I indicated earlier, it also means working with an Intuitive Eating dietitian. Healing from eating disorders often involves healing from past trauma, working through difficult emotions, learning to give yourself self-compassion, and working with a team of experienced and specialized professionals. 

You can heal from Binge Eating Disorder

I would love to hype you up right now and tell you that you can heal from binge eating disorder. You can stop binging and have a healthy relationship with food and your body. It involves putting weight loss on the back burner. This may be what’s motivating you to get help from your eating disorder but focusing on weight loss is going to keep you in that binge eating cycle. Learning to tune in and listen to your body again is going to help your body learn to trust you will give it adequate nutrition. You deserve to heal, and you really can heal!

Ready to begin binge eating disorder treatment near Provo, Utah?

I assure you there is nothing I want more for you than for you to feel safe and cared about. I am not here to make any judgments of you. I want to help you feel better about yourself and to improve your relationship with food. Therapy can help you work through and create a happier version of yourself. I promise you I am not worried about how much you eat or what you look like. I’m here to help you heal from life’s bitter experiences. I want to help provide you with the best experience possible with Binge Eating Disorder Treatment.

Online Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah

Eating disorder treatment requires working with an eating disorder therapist with training and experience in what you are going through. Many parts of the state don’t have a therapist that can help because they don’t have this specialized experience. This is why I offer online counseling, a face-to-face video call where you don’t have to end up out in traffic. Online therapy in Utah is just as effective as in-person therapy.

Online counseling means if you are located in Logan, Cedar City, or St. George, I can help you recover from your eating disorder.

How do I begin binge eating disorder treatment in Utah?

You don’t have to live feeling out of control anymore. This Utah Counseling Clinic has an eating disorder therapist that can help you feel more confident with food again.

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with an eating disorder therapist in Utah

3. Begin therapy for binge eating

Other mental health services offered at Maple Canyon Therapy

Binge eating disorder treatment isn’t the only therapy service I provide at this Northern Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon therapy include: eating disorder treatment, anxiety therapy, body image therapy, and EMDR and trauma therapy.

About the Author 

Ashlee Hunt is a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of Maple Canyon Therapy, located in Spanish Fork, Utah. Ashlee holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology, a bachelor’s degree in Family Life and Human Development, and a master’s in social work. Ashlee has extensive training and experience in treating eating disorders, has worked at an eating disorder treatment center, and facilitated a binge eating disorder support group. Ashlee utilizes a Health at Every Size approach to aid women in eating disorder recovery.

What is High Functioning Anxiety?

You probably have heard about High Functioning Anxiety” and wonder what the difference is between High Functioning Anxiety and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I had a friend text me recently and ask me this very thing. The answer is that High Functioning Anxiety holds similarities to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This isn’t a different diagnosis, but it’s a different way of talking about it and what it may look like on the outside. Regardless of if you have GAD or high-functioning anxiety, anxiety therapy can help.

How do I know if I have high-functioning anxiety?

This term really means that you have anxiety but from the outside, it doesn’t interfere with your daily functioning, and it seems like it doesn’t impact your functioning. The truth is that it does impact your daily functioning but the behaviors you use to make your anxiety go away might look more positive. It might mean you show up early to work and stay late. You are a hard worker, you’re on top of your tasks, you obsessively check and respond to e-mails, you’re clean and tidy, etc. Your ways of managing your anxiety actually seem favorable and you’re on top of things in your life. Your high-functioning anxiety may actually look like success or positive outcomes. The women I work with have shared that they have been praised for some of their behaviors driven by anxiety. What others don’t realize is that many of your behaviors are driven by anxiety, and the only way to manage your anxiety is to engage in these behaviors. There is nothing wrong with finding ways to manage your anxiety but with all anxiety when those behaviors are only helpful in the short term, they may not be as effective as you think they are. With this type of anxiety, it can feel like it never stops. You always have to be on top of things, and there is no room for rest. This can lead to emotional burnout. 

Generalized anxiety might have a different stereotype even though they hold the same symptoms but use different behaviors to manage it. It might not seem like you have generalized anxiety because you can leave the house, and go to work. It doesn’t seem that bad to you so might not think you have this anxiety. It’s the same anxiety but you are managing it with different behaviors. People might be surprised you struggle with anxiety because you are able to hide it. However, you know this anxiety is actually a problem in your life. 

What are the symptoms of High Functioning Anxiety?

-Overthinking

-Ruminating on past mistakes

-People-pleasing and not telling people no

-Excessive worry

-Comparing yourself to others

-Perfectionistic thinking

What’s the treatment for High Functioning Anxiety?

Psychotherapy

The treatment options for high functioning anxiety are the same as they would be for generalized anxiety. Therapy is a  helpful treatment option for anxiety. Therapy involves helping you identify what triggers your anxiety and some helpful coping skills you might be able to utilize to lower your anxiety.  EMDR therapy, exposure and response therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are all options in helping you manage your anxiety better. 

Medication

Some people would either prefer to go to therapy and not take medication while others would gladly take medication but don’t want to go to therapy. However, doing both might be the best option. Medication can help lower your anxiety so you can work on what’s underneath the anxiety but only using medication doesn’t help you work through everything long-term. IN the same way, if you are not open to taking medication, I would challenge you on why you aren’t? It’s another tool that can be helpful to make life be more manageable. 

You deserve help for your high functioning anxiety regardless of what it looks like

The thing I wish everyone would know is that your anxiety doesn’t have to be keeping you from leaving your house or making it so you can’t function or if your anxiety is hidden. All of it deserves help. You don’t have to wait until it gets bad or prove that your anxiety is bad to anyone. As a therapist, I am eager and willing to help anyone who wants tools to get better and is willing to put in the effort. I have never once thought a client shouldn’t be in therapy because they weren’t bad enough or struggling enough. In fact, I think getting help early on before you find your anxiety debilitating is the best option. Please don’t wait to get help or talk yourself out of needing help. Everyone has good days and bad days when it comes to anxiety but that’s not a reason to not come to therapy. I want to help you feel better and lessen the intensity of your anxiety.  I want you to be able to have to hope the negative chatter in your head doesn’t have to be so loud. You don’t have to be overwhelmed all the time. You can allow yourself to rest and not feel so guilty about everything you’re not doing. I help my clients be able to cope effectively and feel better about their lives. 

Start High Functioning Anxiety Treatment in Provo, Utah

If you are reading this and realize you have symptoms of high-functioning anxiety, there’s help available. The good news is there is help available. This Utah County Counseling Center has an anxiety therapist specializing in high-functioning anxiety. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

1. Complete online forms and schedule the first session with an anxiety therapist in Utah

2. Begin High Functioning Anxiety Treatment

Online Therapy in Utah

One of my favorite things about technology is its ability to help us connect with each other. I know you’re busy, and I know you’re dealing with anxiousness. These things can prevent you from reaching out for help; I don’t want that. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. It’s convenient and just as effective as meeting in the office but with the perk that we both can wear sweatpants and nobody has to know.

Online therapy also means that you can access anxiety therapy wherever you are in Utah. This means if you live in St. George, Cedar City, Heber City or Logan, we can help you find relief from anxiety.

Other mental health services provided at Maple Canyon Therapy

Axniety therapy isn’t the only therapy provided at this Utah Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include body image therapy, therapy for binge eating, eating disorder therapy, and EMDR and trauma therapy.

LDS Women and Anxiety: Thoughts From an Anxiety Therapist

Many of the women I work with are LDS and experience symptoms of anxiety.  It’s hard enough for these women to admit they struggle with anxiety let alone come in and seek help. They feel like they should have it all together and that they should have the answers because of their faith. These women share how much their faith means to them, and their spiritual beliefs bring them peace and happiness. They have shared their belief in Christ helps guide their actions and gives their life meaning. Their spiritual beliefs and religion mean so much to them,  and it brings them so many other answers in life so why isn’t it working for their anxiety?

LDS women tend to go inward and blame themselves. This must mean they are reading their scriptures enough, doing enough services, or they aren’t filled with enough faith. They’ve heard comments from other well-meaning people around them say, “The atonement can help you overcome your anxiety”. This leaves them feeling like they aren’t doing enough, and if they have anxiety it must be their fault. 

What I want my LDS clients to know about their anxiety 

As a therapist, I want to give you some perspective on this topic and help you not feel so weighed down not only by your anxiety but help you realize it’s not your fault. I want to help you offer yourself compassion for having anxiety the same way you offer to other people. Anxiety is something everyone experiences regardless of their faith and beliefs. I try to challenge my LDS clients on is do these beliefs line up with what they believe about God. I would challenge you to ask yourself the same thing. Here are some things to consider about your anxiety. 

Anxiety is biological 

Anxiety is a natural response to stressors. The brain releases chemicals when it feels we are in danger. The issue with this is that our brain isn’t able to know what is a real or imagined threat based on the messages we give it. It doesn’t know speaking in public isn’t the equivalent of being attacked by a bear so it responds as if you were able to be attacked. The brain is doing its job and responding the way it was created. Keeping you safe is the purpose of anxiety. It responds because it’s a survival skill not because you aren’t praying hard enough. 

Anxiety isn’t a result of having a lack of faith 

People that have faith or spiritual beliefs can have mental health benefits and aid in the therapy process. It’s important to utilize faith in helpful ways. Believing anxiety is a punishment or as a result of a lack of faith is not helpful. Having anxiety isn’t a sin or something you need to feel guilty about having. In fact, feeling guilty and shameful about experiencing anxiety actually makes it worse. Anxiety is also not a punishment for not doing enough or retaliation for something you’ve done. It’s normal for anyone and everyone to experience anxiety to some degree. If you are experiencing severe anxiety, it has nothing to do with your faithfulness. 

It’s ok to admit you have anxiety 

Women that I work with are afraid to admit they struggle with anxiety. Fear of being judged or misunderstood stops them from opening up. Not everyone is a safe place to talk to about your anxiety but there might be people you know who would be able to be compassionate and kind. Dealing with anxiety on your own can be overwhelming. You would be surprised how many other women deal with anxiety You might not even know what you are struggling with is anxiety because it doesn’t seem bad enough to warrant being called anxiety. Anxiety is on a spectrum, and it doesn’t have to be debilitating to count as anxiety. 

Trauma and negative experiences can create anxiety

The women I work with open up about the trials they are going through. As a therapist listen to this and recognize that the trials they are experiencing are actually traumatic events. Most women I work with regardless of their faith or spiritual beliefs don’t feel like what they have gone through is trauma. What you have experienced in your life commonly increases your anxiety. This is normal for all of us. It’s not a weakness or a lack of faith to have anxiety. 

Anxiety doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy

This is the one that tears me up inside. When I hear my clients express that they feel they aren’t worthy because they are struggling with anxiety, I desperately want them to know it’s not true. You are worthy regardless of anxiety or what you’ve been through. You’re loved and your life has a purpose and meaning no matter what. 

Anxiety and spiritual promptings are different

This is one of the hardest things to work with LDS women on sorting out. It’s hard to discern between a prompting and anxiety. All of us deal with thoughts and sometimes scary thoughts. We have intrusive thoughts around losing the things we value the most or something happening to the people we care about. Sometimes the women I work with fear this is a prompting that they need to act upon rather than just an anxious thought. I could write a separate post on this topic itself but I would challenge you to notice how you feel differently with spiritual promptings that you feel confident in versus what anxiety feels like.

Anxiety therapy can be a helpful tool. 

There are many tools out there that can help you manage your anxiety, and therapy is a powerful tool in helping you utilize them. Therapy can be a place where we talk about some things that make you anxious and find ways to deal with them more effectively. The women I work with have often tried everything they can on their own and are discouraged about needing more help. Therapy can also help you recognize past experiences that might be contributing to anxiety and to help you work through them.  I wish everyone would utilize therapy a lot more to cope better with their anxiety and get better faster.

Most of the women I work with struggle with varying degrees of anxiety and perfectionism, regardless of what has brought them into therapy. When anxiety gets in the way of you being able to do the things you want to do and show up for the people in your life the way you want to, going to therapy can make a big difference. I help women be able to feel less anxious and manage it better when it does get triggered. 

Ready to start working with an anxiety therapist and located in Utah?

You don’t have to keep living in anxiety. You can find relief from your struggling through anxiety therapy. This Utah Counseling Practice has an anxiety therapist specializing in working with LDS women. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with a therapist for anxiety in Utah

3. Begin managing anxiety better

Online Anxiety Therapy in Utah

It’s hard to make time for therapy and commit to traveling to a weekly appointment. I know it’s not the most convenient thing to do, and I also know how crucial it is to prioritize your mental health. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. It’s secure, convenient, and just as effective as in-person therapy.

If you are located in St. George, Cedar City, Logan, Salt Lake City, Heber or more, we can work together in online counseling.

Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy

Anxiety therapy isn’t the only counseling service offered at this Utah County Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include eating disorder therapy, body image therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, birth trauma, and EMDR therapy in Utah.

Why You Shouldn’t Comment on Anyone's Body

I was vacuuming my floor this morning because therapists do that too, and thinking about what I wanted to write about. It seems like on a weekly basis there is a topic or theme that seems to somehow circulate through all of the sessions. I work with women who struggle with anxiety, with eating, and their bodies so yes it makes sense that we would be covering some similar ground. This week’s weekly theme was about people commenting on their bodies or on the bodies of other people. 

I don’t know about you but when there is a topic I feel passionate about I feel the fire in my chest even when I think about it. That’s exactly how I feel about this topic, making remarks about people’s bodies even when it feels positive I have strong emotions around it because of the work I do and also being a woman in this society. 

When I was working at an eating disorder treatment center, I heard a therapist presenting to family members of the patients we worked with that had to come to treatment for their eating disorders. He advised the parents not to make remarks about anyone's bodies. This felt pretty extreme and an intense guideline to have. Years later, I would donate some cash money if we could make that statement onto a billboard on the I-15 here in Utah. 

There is a lot to unpack when it comes to making any comment on a person's body size. It’s a slippery slope. It’s been reinforced to both men and women that complimenting a woman’s appearance is a positive thing to do, and that’s really what a woman wants. Maybe true for some but here’s why I don’t recommend it. 

All bodies are good bodies regardless of appearance

In eating disorder therapy, we focus on the fact that all bodies are good bodies not because of what they look like but because they inherently just are. I don’t expect anyone to love their bodies, and for many, that’s pretty unrealistic. However, can come to terms with the fact that our bodies help us do many things. We can learn to respect and have gratitude for them. We can also learn to feel neutral about them rather than actively hating and picking them apart. When there is a focus on weight, appearance, and body size it doesn’t give us much room to truly appreciate them regardless of those factors.  Commenting on a person’s body in a negative or positive way is continuing to emphasize appearance. 

Don’t comment on weight loss of weight gain

This is the hill I will die on. Don’t compliment or comment on a person’s changing body. Telling someone they look so good after they’ve lost weight is not a good approach. Many of my clients have experiences where they received more attention and compliments when they lost weight. One of my clients used the term “hot girl privilege”. Receiving attention and being hyped up about weight loss isn’t in their heads. In a society that is obsessed with being thin, this is reinforced all over the place. My clients have been in the depth of their eating disorders and their mental health was in the dumpster but they were thinner and were told “You look so good!”. This has reinforced that they didn’t look good before and with this newfound attention, they focused even more on weight loss. They’re not afraid to gain weight because what will people think about them then? Someone close to me lost a significant amount of weight when they were in critical condition, and their weight loss was complimented. This was not what this person needed and nor were they even medically stable but weight loss was still someone deemed of something of value.  We are obsessed with weight, and it’s messed up.

 My unsolicited advice is don’t compliment anyone’s weight loss, and don’t make comments on someone’s weight gain. It’s not our business what a person’s body is doing, and weight loss or weight gain doesn't hold any value to who they are as a person. It may seem innocent to speak negatively about your body to other people but this is harmful not only to you but to the people around you. They might start to wonder what you think about their body and look at themselves with a critical eye. 

You are not complimenting their health. 

This is the disguise that we like to hide behind. We are only complimenting a person's weight loss it’s because we care about their health not because we care about what they look like. I would invite you to be really honest with yourself if you truly care about someone’s health especially when there is plenty of research that suggests that weight has much less of an impact on health than we think. There are also no illnesses that only people in larger bodies experience. “Health at Every Size” is a book and also a movement about what health looks like for people of all body sizes. It would certainly challenge what you’ve believed about weight and health. 

Instead, Focus on body positivity

I have been in too many scenarios where I have listened to people speak negatively about their bodies or someone else’s, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t like hearing it, and I disagreed with it but I was silent because I didn’t know what to say.  If I could go back in time I would have been more assertive and emphasized that this isn’t ok to speak that way about anybody. You are allowed to dislike people but don’t take it out on their bodies. If you can’t say anything kind or neutral about your body or anyone else, then don’t say it. Your body deserves kindness and compassion regardless of size. Everyone else’s body deserves that too. We don’t know what other bodies are going through, and I would also emphasize that it doesn’t really matter how thin or large someone is. Everyone deserves to have a positive body image no matter what. We don’t have to love everything about our bodies, but we can give them respect. Consider all the unrealistic expectations society has about bodies and the damage it does to our mental health rather than imposing those expectations on ourselves or others. 

Body image therapy can help

It’s not easy to feel comfortable with how your body looks. Many women spend more energy than they would like focusing on their body and its appearance. If you are tired of trying to change and alter your body and are ready to get feeling better about your body, body image therapy can help. Body image therapy can help you focus on respecting your body and being body positive regardless of its shape or size. Therapy also helps you break down the experiences that led you to believe your body size was important.

Begin body image therapy in Utah 

You don’t have to keep hating your body. Body image therapy can help you find relief from obsessing about what you look like. This Northern Utah Counseling Clinic has body image therapist that specializes in body image therapy. To begin counseling, follow the steps below:

1. Sign up for a free 15-minute phone consultation 

2. Meet with a body image therapist in Utah

3. Begin body image therapy

Online Therapy in Utah

I know it’s difficult to access a body image therapist near you. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. Online counseling allows you to work with an online therapist to achieve your body image goals. It’s safe and convenient, and just as effective as in-person therapy.

Using telehealth means that I can work with you anywhere in Utah. I work with clients located in Heber, Logan, Cedar City, St. George, Salt Lake City, and more.

Other Mental Health Services at Maple Canyon Therapy

Body image therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided at this Utah Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include binge eating disorder treatment, trauma therapy, birth trauma therapy, eating disorder therapy, and anxiety therapy in Utah.

EMDR Online Therapy: Here’s What You Should Know

The Covid-19 pandemic has stretched us all in ways we probably didn’t want to be stretched. The lack of connection was hard for many people. This has been a time in our lives when we have had to be innovative and creative in how we reach others and keep our relationships alive and well. As therapists, we have had to find ways to support people in their mental health at a distance. We have had to find ways to provide our services through online therapy. Despite all of the distance and scurrying to figure things out in a pinch, I have found unexpected positive results with online therapy. One of them was seeing people be able to utilize EMDR more effectively through online therapy than they were able to in person. People were better able to engage with EMDR over computer screens than they were face-to-face. Trauma impacts our sense of safety, and through online EMDR therapy people were able to feel safer at home. We have also found that EMDR is just as effective through online therapy as it is in person. 

What’s the difference between doing EMDR in-person versus with online therapy?

As I shared in my last EMDR FAQS, the secret sauce of EMDR is bilateral stimulation. We have a variety of ways we can use bilateral stimulation in EMDR based on what you need. When it comes to online therapy, I like to use auditory bilateral stimulation to help with reprocessing trauma or negative experiences.  This just means it’s a sound that plays alternatively back and forth in your ears like a metronome. or sounds like a ping-pong ball. When we are using EMDR online, the therapist and the client might check in more often than we would in person but otherwise, we are using the same methods as we would with in-person EMDR. 

What’s the benefit of online EMDR therapy?

I have found with some of my clients the benefit of using EMDR online is they can do it in the comfort of their homes. Doing trauma work is one of the most difficult types of therapy for a person to go through, and it’s important to feel safe during this process or else it can make symptoms worse. My clients have felt safer in their homes surrounded by things that bring them comfort. They like to be able to have their pets, fidget toys, and weighted blankets during EMDR. Online therapy is helpful for people that get anxious about going to a therapy office and ultimately wouldn’t go at all because it seems too scary. Online therapy is for people that have busy schedules and don’t want to be stuck in traffic or want to commute. Online therapy is really for everyone and using EMDR online is just as effective as in-person. 

Can everyone do EMDR therapy online?

Not everyone can do EMDR through online counseling. Those that do not have access to the internet or a computer may not be able to use EMDR through online therapy. People that don’t feel safe at home may also not feel they can be vulnerable and utilize EMDR while there. People that don’t have adequate coping skills or experience severe dissociation may also not be the same fit for EMDR virtually. Something to be aware of and keep in mind is one of the steps of EMDR is adequate preparation. An EMDR therapist will help you develop adequate coping skills and help you remain present through the process, which may eventually make it so you can do online EMDR therapy. 

5 Tips for a successful EMDR online therapy session: 

1. Make sure you have privacy

It really doesn’t matter where you are in your home for these sessions as long as it’s private. I have had people do online therapy from their closets because it’s where they felt they had the most privacy. If you don’t have enough privacy you aren’t going to be able to feel that you can be open about what you are experiencing and feeling. You don’t want to have to constantly be worried people overhearing what you are saying. If you feel comfortable make sure your family or roommates know that you need to maintain privacy for the hour so you don’t have any unexpected surprises. 

2. Eliminate distractions

There are things that are always outside of our control. Distractions can be one of them. I live by train tracks and trains come barreling through in the middle of EMDR sessions I am conducting. My clients and I are used to it by now and know how to ignore it but my point is there seems to always be something that can prove to be a distraction. If it’s possible make sure you are in a space where you won’t be distracted by children, roommates, or co-workers. Part of EMDR is helping you focus on a particular memory or experience and it’s difficult to stay focused when you have distractions. Trying to eliminate these as much as possible can be important in the process. 

3. Use earphones

Because we are using sound when it comes to doing EMDR therapy online, you want to make sure you bring earphones or headphones to the session. This allows you to have the sound close to your ear to help with processing so it enhances your ability to hear.  It also helps with your sense of privacy. 

4. Make sure you have a stable internet connection 

Sketchy internet happens to the best of us including myself. It’s happened in the middle of an EMDR session, and t’’s not something we have full control over. Honestly, most of the time that this has happened, it’s been my sketchy internet’s fault. We can work with imperfect internet but really terrible internet causes many disruptions in processing and is not ideal. It also can disconnect us from contact when you are feeling vulnerable, and I don’t want that. I want to help you through your emotions and experience. Try to make sure you have a stable internet connection and you may need to ask others in the household not to use streaming services during your session. 

5 Have time after the EMDR session to decompress 

In EMDR you connect with emotions that can be difficult to feel. Even when you end the session feeling relief and a weight lifted off your shoulders, you still need time to decompress and breathe. It can be helpful not to have somewhere you need to rush off to right after your session but to be able to take a moment and ground yourself. Most people report feeling tired after an EMDR session so it might help if you can take some time to rest after the session. 

EMDR therapy is just as effective through online therapy

EMDR is an effective form of therapy that helps people make changes and shifts that they feel like they haven’t been able to do otherwise. EMDR helps reduce symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression. It has far-reaching benefits that are often unanticipated by those who utilize it. It does not matter whether it is don’t through an online platform or in-person when it comes to being effective. EMDR is something I recommend for many of my clients, regardless of how big or small they believe their experiences to be, and online therapy makes it possible. Online EMDR therapy gives people access to working through these experiences that they may not have access to otherwise. I recommend giving EMDR therapy online a shot. 

Online Therapy in Utah

EMDR therapy isn’t the only thing that can be done online. All of Maple Canyon Therapy’s counseling services are available through online therapy in Utah.

I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, Heber, St. George, Cedar City, and more.

Ready to start EMDR therapy in Utah?

You don’t have to keep living in trauma and fear. EMDR therapy can help you find relief from your symptoms. This Utah Counseling Practice has an EMDR therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy. To begin therapy, follow the steps below:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation

2. Meet with an EMDR therapist in Utah

3. Begin EMDR therapy

Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy

EMDR therapy isn’t the only mental health counseling service provided at this Northern Utah Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include body image therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, eating disorder therapy, and birth trauma therapy.

About the Author

Ashlee Hunt LCSW is a licensed therapist at Maple Canyon Therapy located in Spanish Fork, Utah. Ashlee holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology, a bachelor’s degree in Family Life and Human Development, and a master’s in social work. Ashlee has extensive training and experience in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, and trauma, and works primarily with women